Somebody give Courtney Love a book deal. That big diary thing doesn't count - sit her down in a room with a typewriter and don't let her out until she's crafted a masterpiece. Given the usual length of a typical MySpace blog, she'll have churned it out in about three hours. Here's her latest epic.

Earlier this week there was a Pumpkins-related upset, after Perez Hilton published an email from Courtney to "corgan" about him not attending Frances Bean's 16th birthday celebrations (here).

Courtney has of course retaliated, claiming that it was a personal email and her AOL account had been hacked into, and that she's very sorry. All under the magnificently grand title of...

regarding billy and the glow of gwyneth paltrow

Admit it - that shit is Booker material. The post itself - all 2,908 words of it - is surprisingly together. It's got capital letters, punctuation and spelling. In fact, it's so unlike her previous scribblings that she's either asked someone else to type it or she's gone on a secretarial course. (Although she does acknowledge that previous form: "yes I have typos but it's because I type very fast, it does not make me a "TARD""). Anyway at first it is a story about how lovely Gwyneth Paltrow is:

Okay, here's a good story I want to share with all you guys: It's amazing Gwyneth Paltrow and her amazing husband Chris and I have reconnected. She has always been a very close friend of mine, regardless of what people's perception of Gwyneth, compassion is her middle name and I am not going to sit here and write a public love letter to GP but I do have a great story to share with you that leads to a great song! So people might think oh blah, GP and her husband, who cares right? But the fact is one night in New York at the Pig, we were all hanging out and having a ball. Chris told the most hilarious joke that had literally had me on the floor laughing so hard. Over the years Gwyneth has always invited me out to London and I have always procrastinated, I kept telling myself, Go out to London Courtney, Gwyneth is such a dear freind of mine, and you should not take friends for granted.I was like what if i come out to hang out with her and Chris Martin who is a genius and me being such the opposite of who they are, My "What if" worries started to kick in...

All well and good, BUT after around 1000 words, we're back to the best. Ergo:

o whenever Mary and GP ask why were you such a BITCH in the elevator? why were you glaring at me, why did you hate so much,- THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS< I TELL THEM ALL THE TIME, I WAS FUCKING JEALOUS!!!

...

the new york times has recently hired a pefumer critic, the guy is not a snob, he gave HILARY DUFF 4 stars!!!

I took a sniff of Hilary and he had a point, I don';'t think I will be replacing fracas or bluebell with it, but yes he did have a point, anyways, Chris B has a blog about noses called "HeadSpace"

...

i was there 1981 Dublin at, windmill lanes studio as a gopher while U2 was getting the edges guitar sounds, untill that fucking CHERRY WHORE KICKED OUT, even though she was only 14, because kirstie mcall god bless her soul thought was trying to mack on any one of them. The Crew U2, her, the husbands, I DID NOT EVEN HAVE TITS!! maybe Cherry had double F's I dunno, we don't talk about her tits, this isn't any crazy shit like split personallty, I honestly when I sleep which is rare, CHERRY Goes out and buys entire towns and sticks me with the bill

...

And so on. It's hard to convey that this isn't sarcastic or ironic or cynical or whatever, but I get a massive thrill out of Courtney's blogging. It's insane, it's hard to make sense of, it takes in everything from chess to haute couture to Hillary Duff's scent and it is the best thing to cheer up a dull and grim Thursday morning. Courtney, do a book, and don't let an editor anywhere near it.

XRRF: Courtney Love has something to share