PROG ROCK ALLERGICS

The Virgins are responsible for a) the penis T-shirt and b) that song Rich Girls. We spoke to Nick, who plays bass and has a cold, on the phone when they were in London a couple of weeks ago. Some of the questions are a little bit recycled because we only remembered we were talking to him when his "people" phoned to say he'd be five minutes late. :s

Hi Nick!
Hey Rebecca.

How are you this morning?
I'm OK. I'm a little sick. I think the cold weather did it to me. But I snagged some antibiotics off a friend and I started today, so.

Careful on that stuff.
I know! But I don't have time to lose.

Let's get started, then. Have you ever said, I can never work in an office, man?
Yes. But I was working in an office when I said it. I was working at an advertising agency writing copy. And I panicked. "I can't believe I have to sit here until 5 o'clock. I can't do it." So I quit. That was definitely the end of my brief office career. It was my friend from university's firm and I just went in because he knew me. The one cool thing about that job was that I got to go out and pitch things to like Nike. I don't think anything actually went through. But it was superfun.

It's probably better that you're in the world of rock&roll.
I'm more adept at doing this.

Moving on. If your music was a pair of shoes, what would the shoes be like?
[Repeats the question back as if we were a slow child] Uh. I would say that they'd be like the first Nike running sneakers. Basic, simple, but stylish and peppy. They were made in Portland for a runner and it was the next phases after the Converse or Keds. They were a more cushioned sneaker. Stylish but not trendy, I guess.

Next! The Collaboration Conundrum. Who is your dream musical date?
Oh man, that's a tough question. So many of them are dead now.

That shouldn't stop you. This is fantasy land. You can do what you like.
Oh, OK. Well since I'm a bass player I'd love to have played with John Bonham. That would have been pretty amazing. But I guess it would have been really fun to work with David Bowie but from the 1970s, when he was out of his head, drug-addled, couldn't eat solid food and had these amazing, insane ideas. I'd go with that.

Now imagine for a second that you've lost your hearing, limbs and sense of rhythm in a freak accident. What do you do now?
I can't do much except roll around! I guess I'd eat, watch television and excrete.

People with no limbs don't just watch TV and excrete.
Well I'd like to be a writer, but I don't know how I'd do that.

With your mouth.
With my tongue presser. I don't know if I'd have Stephen Hawking's patience, though. I've seen the Diving Bell and the Butterfly, though, and now we all know how miserable that state of being is.

Political question. How would you fix the economy?
Oh my god. If I knew the answer to that my friend... I think the only thing you can do is invest in alternative energy even though we'll lose a lot of money in taxes, because that creates jobs and stops all this money from going into the same dead people's pockets, who make oil and cars and coals.

How does rock&roll survive the recession?
I don't know, because the music business was in such a crappy state of affairs even before this. I was talking to my friend who owns a restaurant, and we decided that people are always going to want to eat and drink and listen to music, so hopefully we'll be alright. We'll see.

We had a competition to give away your T-shirt that was very, very rude. Have you ever worn one?
I've never had one. I don't think I could. It's like, how much of a man are ya? I just saw a video where one of the guys in the band was wearing a T-shirt - I think it was the bass player from Poison. I was like, Hey! You can't do that! It took me out of the suspension of disbelief. It didn't work for me.

Final question. Let's play marry, shag and push off a cliff: Amy Winehouse, Duffy and Adele.
I don't know who Adele is.

She's been nominated for Grammys! Chasing Pavements!
Uh oh. Well, push her off a cliff. I never heard of her. I'd shag Amy Winehouse. It seems like she's spunky and it would be an interesting night, but I don't think I could marry her. I don't like that much drama. And I'd marry Duffy, because she seems quite pleasant. So I'd have her as a wife. Keep her in the kitchen and tell her to shut up. No! I'm just kidding.

The Virgins' new single Teen Lovers is out on February 16. Warning: do not google "teen lovers virgins" to try to find the video.