Yesterday the nice people at Pitchfork reported that Damon Albarn, Jarvis Cocker and Dot Allison are among the musical alumni scheduled to appear at the Barbican in November, to celebrate the stylings of top musical crazybrain, Scott Walker.

Are they going to be doing amazing new takes on Duchess, Get Behind Me or The Sun Ain't Gonna Shine Any More?

No.

They are going to do this:

WORST SONG EVER.

Here is why this is a bad idea:

Keen aficionados of Mr Walker's output will know that Tilt and The Drift occupy a very 'special' place at the 'difficult' end of the Walker spectrum. Virtually unlistenable and so averse to tunes are they, that it has become a sort of po-faced badge of honour to claim to like them. We know you would not do that readers, but believe us when we say we have met some of these Po Facers, and they were REALLY BORING.

This is what it says about Tilt on Wikipedia:

'The songs on the album have a decidedly bleak, forlorn and funereal mood; the lyrics are replete with arcane allusions and recondite wordplay and ellipses. Like Walker's previous effort, Climate of Hunter (1984), Tilt combines elements of industrial music with European avant-garde and experimental influences. The unusual literary, musical and performance qualities of Walker's songwriting and singing are reminiscent of the lieder, chanson and "art song" traditions — forms which long predate the era of recorded popular music and electronic media.'

I mean, come on. It does not sound like a barrel of laughs, does it readers? 'Art song' 'bleak, forlorn and funereal' and 'industrial'. For one thing, it is a scientifically proven FACT that no one has ever made a good industrial record. Never, not ever never, EVER. And oooh, I can't wait to stick Farmer In The City (Remembering Pasolini) on so I can have a 'bit of a dance'.

Let us not forget that not even Scott 'bloody' Walker himself can bear to listen to HIS OWN FUCKING RECORDS after he has made them. He chinny reckons this is because it is 'all about the process' (man), but if he fancied being less of a Pinocchiopants for all of ten minutes, he would admit that the reason he does not listen to Tilt and The Drift is because they are ABOMINATIONS. Tune-repellent and melody-allergic, they are some of the most unintentionally amusing things we have ever been made to listen to by boring boys who thought they were interesting. Nobody really likes those records, nobody.

The other thing readers, is that this is nothing short of a trend. Last week, one of our good friends went to see the Nico 'reimagining' at the South Bank. Now, did they choose the chamber pop glories of Chelsea Girl and its harpsichord amazingness? Did they Warhol. It was 2 plus hours of noodling, yelping and audio torture. Apparently the audience were something to behold, reaching unparalleled levels of wankiness. Even our friend - who has marvellously uncommon and 'adventurous' taste - said it was TOTAL SHIT.

So we would like Damon and Jarvis to think again. To remember that Scott Walker - when he had not yet fallen off the tree of pop onto the thorny pavement of pretentiousness - was one of the most amazing Pop Men in the world. What is wrong with covering the likes of this:

BEST SONG EVER - sexy, redolent of Westerns, funky as all hell, full of amazing ideas and STILL HAS A TUNE.

I mean, YOU PEOPLE. Stop encouraging the crazy man to do more crazy.

Buy Scott IV here. It is the one he did before he went mental as a box of frogs and is only £4.49 which will be best the nine tenths of a fiver you ever spend.