Good news! Salt-N-Pepa are touring again after seven years off. Bad news! It's only in Australia and Asia. Good news! We could go on a hot holiday and see them at the same time. Bad news! It sounds like it has the potential to piss all over what we loved about them. And that summation is based on words from their very own manager:

"The main thing about Salt-N-Pepa, is that they are a performing group, which takes pride in their performances and are known as a group that puts on spectacular shows [and] it is strictly about maintaining the brand," their manager Gavin Wray told AllHipHop.com.

For the love of lady rap, "maintaining the brand" is supposed to be a selling point? What other boardroom "gems" did you come up with when you were thinking outside of the box, Gav?

"It is not about the money, we don't necessarily need to do gigs on the regular, we would rather maintain the brand and make the right choices collectively and when the time is right and the group is ready we will hit the stage like we never left. That is one of the main reason's why Salt-N-Pepa's image has been polished and respected as a group on and off the stage for so many years and years to come."

I, for one, will be speed-dialling Ticketmaster for this "maintaining the brand" spectacular, for it sounds like it will be thrilling.

:(

Let us remember happier times, and pretend this is not happening. Much like we pretended that the VH1 reality show did not happen. Nor anything after 1993.

Spinderella's Not A Fella:

None Of Your Business:

And of course, Push It:

That's much better, but I don't blame Gavin. I blame Sir Alan Sugar: he has ruined Salt-N-Pepa by corporate bastard-izing the world. What a sod.